Loss and Grief

For some reason, this topic popped into my head last week and I haven't been able to get rid it. I'm reminded every day of the Loss and Grief I had in September 2023 every day by the tattoo I got after Jimmy Buffett and my mother, Sheila died.

 Please notice the bubbles coming out of the margarita glass. I did that in tribute to Jimmy after his song "Bubble Up" came out. Inside the bubbles it says JB, Mom and Dad. Jimmy died of skin cancer September 1, and my mother died of lung cancer September 9. My father died on March 26, 2020 from a heart attack at the age of 90, so this is my way of forever remembering them.

I have been a huge Jimmy Buffett fan since 1977 or so, and went to more concerts of his than any other performer. As it turns out, Jimmy was battling skin cancer for the last four years, and unfortunately, he lost that batter. All of his fans, known world wide as Parrotheads, mourned his loss and felt the grief like a family member died.

I had to go to Delray Beach, FL for my mothers funeral, and stayed at The Hyatt Place hotel in The Pineapple Grove district which is known for it's arts and food. Four blocks away from the hotel was Voodoo Tattoo, and I went on Wednesday to make an appointment for Friday. 

My mother and I had our problems over the years, and my daughter and I had traveled to Chicago in August to visit her and my sisters family. The week before we got there, my visiting uncle from Portland, OR, mother, sister and brother in law all got Covid. For a lung cancer patient, that is certainly not a good thing, but she survived and was over it when we visited.

After we left, mom got pneumonia, and in mind that was the beginning of the end. Unfortunately, I was right, and she passed away peacefully in the hospital surrounded by her family. My brother in law Tim called me on Facetime, and I got to say my last goodbye. It's not easy actually seeing someone die in front of you, much less your mother.

I let out a wail of grief, and my younger daughter came running into my room and gave me a much needed hug. I cried so much into her shoulder that it was soaked by the time I was done.

My friend Steve in Florida was a big help when both of my parents died, since he had gone through the same thing previously. His relationship with his parents was much different that I had, but having a friend help with the grief was truly appreciated. I doubt I would have made it through those times without his help.

When Dad died, it was at the beginning of Covid, so there was no in person grief counseling available and I didn't want to do anything virtually. The hardest part was cleaning out his room. We donated most of his clothing, and I had to go through mountains of paperwork that he had brought down from his apartment in Syracuse.

He had papers from cars he owned 20 years previously, along with medical reports that no longer mattered. The one thing I found that was interesting was the sales receipt and deed to 4 cemetary plots in Brooklyn, NY. My later grandparents bought then, and my grandfather Martin is buried there. My grandmother Dorothy is buried somewhere in Florida.

I called the cemetery, and asked if they could be sold, and was told NO because one was already used. So my dilemma is this; when I die, do I want to use it, or be cremated like my father?

Loss and Grief hits everyone differently, and I learned that by how I reacted when Dad and Mom died. All I can say is this, lean on your friends and family to get through it, and get counseling if you really need it.

That is why I got the tattoo, to always remember Mom, Dad and Jimmy.